Charging or Depleting: How Do Know If Its Time To End A Relationship?
The other day at work, I bought a portable charger from a pharmacy to use at my desk. Once I unboxed it, I realized I needed a wall plug. The next day, I brought it to work, plugged in my phone, and went about my day. Around 1 p.m., I noticed my phone wasn't charging. When I went to see the charger, the wire burned off. The heat caused the metal to fuse into the box. I was lucky. I looked at my phone before there was a smell from the burning. As I quickly unplugged the charger and had sadly threw away something I just bought, I had an epiphany.
When you enter a romantic or platonic relationship, you do so with the best intentions. You want to make the other person happy; in return, they should bring you joy. Otherwise, why invest your time? But as relationships deepen, you might notice the cracks—the ways the other person isn't as perfect as they first seemed.
Take this example: He might be the man of my dreams, but he loves to lecture me about every single thing. We could be on a date, and he might ask for my opinion. Suppose my answer isn't exactly what he wants to hear. In that case, he'll immediately respond, "No, no, no…" and launch a dissertation about why private universities are superior to public ones (true story). Moreover, I found his comments less than charming since I hold degrees from two public universities (The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and The University of Central Florida).
Below are two signs that your once-charging relationship is depleting your battery.
2 signs that your former charging relationship is depleting you
You find them comfortable, not fulfilling.
People often attribute the adage of 'seven years equals lifelong friendships' to University of Kansas professor Jeffrey Hall. However, Hall didn’t actually say that. He discussed how time invested in friendships and meaningful interaction leads to lifelong bonds (Hall, 2019). Just because someone has been in your life since middle school, high school, or college doesn’t mean they will remain your go-to person forever. This idea is explored in Grey’s Anatomy when Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo) realizes that her friend from medical school, Sadie Harris (Melissa George), isn’t fulfilling anymore. While Sadie may have been Meredith’s 'person' in medical school, Meredith evolved into someone completely different. Though Grey felt comfortable with Sadie, she no longer found their friendship fulfilling.
Image courtesy of Shondaland. Your gut tells you it's time to say goodbye.
A person’s gut feeling is closely tied to their subconscious (Gigerenzer, 2007). The subconscious shapes the way we see the world and interact with others. While many experts can explain the subconscious more thoroughly, here’s a video by Spencer Greenberg in his TED Talk on trusting your gut.
Video courtesy of Ted.
Conclusion
When the series finale of Hannah Montana aired, Miley Cyrus serenaded the viewers with the song Goodbye. The song discusses the end of a chapter. Saying goodbye might be tough, but it’s often the best way to make room for the relationships that truly recharge us.
Citations
Hall, J. A. (2019). How many hours does it take to make a friend? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(4), 1278–1296. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407518761225
Gigerenzer, G. (2007). Gut feelings: The intelligence of the unconscious. Viking
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